Supporting the Kids of First Responders: What They Wish They Could Say

I was, and forever will be, a “Kid of a First Responder”. While this unique experience came with many joys, there were also some challenges. I didn’t always know if my parents would be home on time. I couldn’t be certain they would be home on the weekend or at my Tuesday night game. Honestly, this lead to some disappointment. Plans were changed and it was outside of everyone’s control.

As a therapist who works closely with first responders and their families, I’ve had the honor of holding space for kids who love their mom or dad deeply but struggle to understand their world.

Here’s what many kids of first responder wish they could say — and how we, as adults, can better support them.

“I’m proud of my parent… but I miss them all the time.”

First responder parents often work long hours, night shifts, or holidays. Kids may understand the importance of the job, but that doesn’t make their absence any easier. One of the biggest emotional weights they carry is the push-pull between pride and longing.

How to support them:
Create space for both realities. Let them talk openly about missing their parent without guilt. Quality time, rituals (like bedtime check-ins or notes left behind), and consistent routines help kids feel grounded when their parent is away.

“I’m scared and I don’t know how to talk about it.”

Whether they overhear news reports, pick up on tension at home, or simply know their parent is in danger, kids often carry silent worry. They may not know how to name it—or they may try to protect the adults around them by pretending everything’s fine.

How to support them:
Talk about feelings in everyday, age-appropriate ways. Books, drawings, or play can help younger children express themselves. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared—and that it doesn’t mean something bad will happen.

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

Some children sense when a parent is exhausted or emotionally drained. In response, they may shut down, act extra “good,” or avoid asking for help because they don’t want to make things harder.

How to support them:
Reassure them they’re not responsible for adult feelings. Check in regularly—not just when there’s a problem. Validation, active listening, and consistent affection help kids feel secure even when life is unpredictable.

“I love my parent, but I don’t always feel close to them.”

The emotional toll of first responder work can affect connection. Kids may notice when their parent seems distracted, short-tempered, or emotionally unavailable—even if they don’t have the words for it.

How to support them:
Help first responders reconnect with their kids through small, intentional moments. Even five minutes of focused, non-distracted connection (like playing, reading, or chatting before bed) can build closeness over time. If there’s emotional distance, therapy can help bridge the gap.

Kids don’t need perfection—they need presence, safety, and room to feel. If you’re a first responder parent or co-parent, know that your care and consistency make a difference, even when life feels overwhelming. And if your child is struggling, they’re not alone—and neither are you.

At Woodfire Counseling, I offer therapy for first responders and their families, helping you reconnect, regulate, and heal. If you’re looking for a safe space to explore the emotional impact of the job—or support your child in doing the same—I’d be honored to be there with you.